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In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

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In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

First you can browse the essay, and after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria has been considered while the sentence in the essay happens to be colour coded to correspond to the fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial will allow you to understand:

  • How an essay gets a Band 7
  • What sentence structures and language is needed for a Band 7
  • Ways to link ideas smoothly

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Perform some advantages with this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It really is well known that some countries have a population with additional young people than old people. Even this particular fact may have both advantages and disadvantages, In my opinion the positive implications of getting a population that is youthful the negative ones. This essay will talk about the benefits and drawbacks examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people can lead to too little professionals into the society. Older population may be more educated than the young one, this might be being why they have had more time to review a professional career during their lives. As an example, in order to become a specialist physician it really is needed at least ten years of university studies and this is almost certainly not able for a young adult yet. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s may have been through a lot in life and additionally they may be more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could assist to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations will probably have higher level of crime, this might be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A study through the University of Chile revealed that in the south of Chile, where the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice more than when you look at the north where the majority of the population where within their 50’s and older.

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Having said that, youthful populations are in general more vigorous and much more happy. This may be them to work more and maintain them-self more active because they have less old age-associated illness leading. Contributing to the truth that healthy people can work more efficiently, with this specific they can donate to the economy for the country, earning profits rather than spending. For example, it’s true that old societies spend a lot of cash in health because of their citizens that are old. Another positive element of having adult that is young is there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more time and more energy than old visitors to practice and turn an excellent sport professional. In soccer most of the players retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty years of age. With old people there would be no time to start a sport career. And last but not least, young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This might be as they are more proactive in organize those activities and also almost certainly going to participate in them. Old people may be too tired to venture out.

To summarize because of the arguments given above, I firmly genuinely believe that the advantages of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. And even though, there are several positive components of having an older population
that we should think about.

It is well known that some countries have a population with more people that are young old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact may have both pros and cons, In (GR1) my estimation the positive implications of getting a population that is youthful the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages (LR1) giving examples to guide both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin with by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your use of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Attempt to vary your utilization of vocabulary if you can.

On one side (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people may lead to too little professionals when you look at the society. Older population may be much more educated as compared to young one, that is being why LR2 that is( they have had more hours to review a professional career throughout their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to be a specialist physician it really is needed at least a decade of university studies and also this might not be able for a young adult yet (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) might have been through a lot in life (LR5) and so they may be much more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This can assist to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations are going to have higher level of crime, this might be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A research through the University of Chile (TR5) showed that within the south of Chile, where in actuality the population is certainly caused by young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice more than when you look at the north where the majority of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

CC2 – An appropriate phrase to introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 life that is–singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an example.
TR4 – Good to add a good example to aid your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at least… and young adults have never yet had time for you to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit regarding the informal side, but lovely natural usage of language.
TR5 – Again, good to use examples to guide your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a relative clause.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – in addition to noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other side hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations have been in general more energetic and much more happy. This may be because (CC5) they have less old illness that is age-associated them to work more and maintain them-self more active (LR7) . Adding to the reality that healthy people could work more proficiently, with this they could contribute to the economy of this country, making money as opposed to spending (GR4) . For example, the simple truth is that old societies spend a lot of cash in health with regards to their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive facet of having adult that is young is that there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than
old people to practice and become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer all the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career if they turn thirty yrs . old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no time for you to start a hobby career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This might be because they are more proactive in organize those activities as well as more likely to be involved in them. Old people could be too tired to venture out.

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